why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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