I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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