I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
