I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i dont even know how to be here
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
