I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
