probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
