At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
