I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
