If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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