Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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