Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
