so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
