I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Randomize
