Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
