He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
