Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
