I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
