yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
