I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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