Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
