READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
