Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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