Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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