I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Randomize
