I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
