I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
