we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
