I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
