I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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