She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
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