Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
