i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
