I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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