I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
