If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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