She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
