It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
