Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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