I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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