sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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