i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
