dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
high people should be assigned attendants
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
