Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
