genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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