I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
