More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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