I can tuck mytits in my pants
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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