The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
