I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
