how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
