I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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