i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
