fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
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