Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Randomize
