So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I want to walk on stilts...naked
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
