we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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